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While I normally wouldn’t be caught dead in Stalking Horse (26 E Cross St., Federal Hill) on a weekend evening, I have to admit they’ve got some pretty good bar food. Weeknights at Stalking Horse are quiet and usually feature CHEAAAAP specials, so I’d recommend it. At any rate, this is about nachos so let’s talk about nachos.
The nachos at Stalking Horse are $6.99 and featured tri-colored chips, cheddar, salsa, guac, sour cream, jalapenos and black olives. For $2.99 more you can add chicken or beef, and for $3.99 more you can add steak or jumbo lump crab meat. |
I guess if I had to use a term for the nachos at Stalking Horse it would be “totally adequate.” They have all of the toppings people want and/or like, at a very very reasonable price. They satisfy all of the requirements for a decent pile and deliver plenty of flavor and a generous helping, even for two people. This particular serving had just a little too much salsa and not enough cheese, but not so much out of the ordinary as to cause me to hate them uncontrollably.
But one thing sets these nachos apart in my mind that has nothing to do with NachoQuest simply due to the Nacho Manifesto’s first law; you can substitute waffle fries for nachos at no additional cost. I’m going to go right ahead and guess that in the event you order waffle fries instead you won’t be getting nearly as much, but considering this is an option you see almost nowhere else in the city, I thought it was pretty awesome. If anyone out there has tried them, let me know how they were!
Bottom line: The nachos at Stalking Horse are really good.
Four Golden Nachos out of Five
(view the NachoQuest map so far here)
 Carolina Nachos - $5.75 |
At the suggestion of some guy with a blog, I moseyed on over to Harborque (1421 Lawrence St., Riverside) the other day to try their Carolina Nachos – nachos piled with cheddar cheese, beans, jalapenos, BBQ sauce, and A MILLION POUNDS OF PULLED PORK. For $5.75.
And let me tell you something, these “nachos” transcend the human language in terms of description and can be really only be described using a low frequency sound normally uttered by whales. |
There is so much pulled pork on this pile that it becomes more like a “crunchy meat pie with cheese” as opposed to “a pile of nachos.” My first bite was pretty easy – I scooped up some cheese, penos and pork and chewed on it, noted the deliciousness and went right for the second bite. But after about five mouthfuls, the sheer density of the nachos began to affect my reality. These things are like dark matter. After six or seven bites, clocks with alarms going off started spinning around my head, my roommates started looking like dragons with bees coming out of their mouths, and the sky turned a darker shade of fuchsia. I’m not entirely certain how much of these pulled pork nachos I actually ate, as I woke up later naked in a ditch on the side of Harford Road somewhere. That was a really awkward cab ride getting home…
Aaaat any rate, these nachos kind of defy a rating. They’re certainly not the best, but probably the one of the most unconventional nachos in the city, given the BBQ sauce and baked beans instead of the traditional nacho toppings. Plus, for the money and sheer volume of pulled pork you will inevitably develop meat sweats eating, they’re certainly one of the best values for both pulled pork AND nachos going. So for now, I will award the Carolina Nachos from Harborque the Golden Donkey – an award that defies logic and convention, until I can figure out a more appropriate award for them. Kudos.
One Gold Donkey out of One
(view the NachoQuest map so far here)
 Sweet, sweet pit beef |
What: Pit Beef Sandwich (medium)Where: Chaps Pit Beef (map)
How Much: $5.75
Synopsis: Yes, I am a big dumb stupid tourist and went to all of the places that big dumb jerk Anthony Bourdain sampled on his way through Baltimore over the summer. …and boy howdy am I glad I did. This mountainous pile of pit beef, for less than six bucks, is amazing. The entire menu at Chaps is amazing. |
Not only can you take this sandwich to their fixin’s bar and pile it higher than Krakatoa with whatever you want, but you also have the option of ordering the meat rare, medium, or medium well. I was tempted to order a mix of all three, but there was a line.
| The best part about driving all the way out to Pulaski Industrial Area and packing it into Chaps for a big fat pile of meat to your liking? You can get a lapdance afterward! That’s right! Chaps Pit Beef is situated in the parking lot of Gentlemen’s Gold Club, where apparently some sort of wild and sexy dance parties go on – not that I would know. Because I totally did NOT go in there after eating my pit beef sandwich and get a lapdance. Ever. |
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But wait! Lap dances not your thing? No problem! Just head twenty yards across Pulaski Highway to the Adult Video Outlet and buy some high quality pornography! Hundreds of fine adult videos and erotic items to choose from!
…..oohhhhh Baltimore.
(If you’d like to submit your own mealtime entry, follow the simple guidelines and email me!)
It was called to my attention while I was away last week that a particular Baltimore Restaurant Events Examiner (quite the mouthful), Jasmine Touton, has given wicked mad props to the WILDLY POPULAR and current long term City That Breeds project, NachoQuest. Knowing full well what she’s talking about, she had the following to say about NachoQuest:
Nacho Quest 2009 is nothing short of genius.
Well stated, Jasmine, well stated. 
BONUS PIC: Here are some nachos I made while on vacation. The best nachos in Baltimore are the ones you make yourselves, folks!
KICKASS NACHOS
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Nachos from The Pickled Parrot (3020 Elliott St., Canton) come with chili, tomato, black olives, jalapenos, cheese and sour cream for 8 bucks. And according to the bartender, you can add chicken for another 3 bucks (though it doesn’t say so on the menu). Plus, if you’re there on a Saturday between 4-7pm, they’re half price.
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These particular nachos are …ok I guess. I love the chips they come on – they’re toasted, not salty, and there are plenty of them. The toppings are many and there was no shortage of them… except cheese. There was hardly any cheese at all. Barely any. You can see pretty plainly in the picture that the majority of the nachos are bare, and while it wasn’t a problem getting a topping or two onto them, there was definitely hardly any cheese. And for 8 bucks, even at half price on a Saturday, they don’t quite cut the muster. If they had ample cheese, and let’s face it cheese is the most important ingredient in any pile of nachos, I’d reconsider. But they don’t!
2 golden nachos out of 5
(view the NachoQuest map so far here)
(let it be known that I will be performing a full review on Turp’s very, very soon)
 Nacho Fiesta Meatless - $5.95 |
Let’s just get this out of the way right now: The meatless nacho fiesta comes with salsa, black olives, jalapenos (not fresh), cheddar, gauc and sour cream. For $5.95, add chili for a buck.
But if you’re smart/lucky/badass enough (like me) to walk into Turp’s on a Thusday evening, nachos are half price. A whopping 3 dollars for these nachos right up in here. The nachos are a good portion for the price – I had no problem eating them by myself. BUT FOR THREE DOLLARS, THEY ARE INSANELY CHEAP. That’s even less than 7-11 nachos, the lowest species of nacho.
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The fiesta nachos did bring to mind, however, an interesting distinction: bar nachos versus restaurant nachos. As far as bar nachos go, the ones at Turp’s are perfectly fine. But in a restaurant setting, where the prices tend to be higher and the servings larger, these nachos would be considered by me to be rather poor. Fortunately, Turp’s has found a magical balance between quality and price to fit the bar nacho mold fairly well.
| As for the quality, well, they’re fine in the flavor department and they come with sour cream and guac by default – which is great. They also feature the light, crispy unsalted chips that I have come to prefer. But, there was not nearly enough cheese on the pile and I found myself having to churn and mix the whole thing just to get every chip to have something on it. Not quite in violation of tenet 3, but kind of close. |
 Beef Nacho Supremo - $6.95 |
At the end of the day, especially a Thursday, I’d eat nachos at Turp’s again (so long as they added more cheese).
3 golden nachos out of 5
4 golden nachos out of 5 on Thursdays
(view the NachoQuest map so far here)
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I’ve always enjoyed the food at No Way Jose. I don’t care what anyone says, they’re mexican is pretty good stuff despite the fact that Blue Agave is practically right next door (not to mention Pop Tacos has awesome burritos etc. for much less) and the “upscale” Federales Cantina is on the horizon. And these nachos are, in short, pretty good stuff too.
But not great. |
The nachos have some good, fresh ingredients. Good pico, comes with guacamole and sour cream – and fresh jalapenos. Nice. Especially with a base price of $7.99. ($2 extra for meat) And the chips are light and crispy, in fact they’re some of the best tortilla chips I’ve had, unlike most of the heavily salted chips that most other places have. And it looks like a nice big plate of nachos, right? …not necessarily. Unfortunately for these nachos, they violate tenet #3 of the Nacho Manifesto. The toppings seen in the picture are hiding a huge pile of naked, dry, boring chips underneath. NOT RAD GUYS, NOT RAD.
I feel very strongly about tenet #3. Despite the fact that they include most of the ingredients I hope to see in a steaming pile of nachos, at a reasonable price, a big fat pile of naked chips underneath lowers the value substantially.
2 out of 5 golden nachos
(view the NachoQuest map so far here)
 Macho Nachos |
Imagine if you will for a moment, that you’re me – you’re sitting at the bar in Nacho Mama’s (2907 O’Donnell St., Canton), having Boh and waiting for your nachos quietly. Sizzling plates of fajitas are going by, tacos and piles of refried beans decorating every table. And then all of a sudden one of those sizzling plates is dropped right in front of you and you see this. What would you say?
Probably something like “HOLY SHIT.” |
I literally had to lean back a foot or two to take this photo. And you’ll notice that you can’t actually see the other side of the plate, that’s how much stuff is piled onto it. These are truly Macho Nachos. Base price is $7.99, they come with beans, cheese, jalapenos (though not very many), with a sour cream and salsa center. Add beef or chicken for 2 bucks, veggies for one buck, or blackened chicken for 3 bucks.
Now since I’ve already done a few of these, I’m going to break this down into pros and cons, as these nachos have basically changed the game a bit and I’ll more than likely have to rethink the way I’m going about this:
Pros:
- Enormous serving. Truly insane amount of food, big points for that one considering the price.
- Fresh jalapenos.
- The plate is brought to you sizzling hot, with truly molten cheese that will destroy your soul it’s so good.
Cons:
- The salsa is not pico, in fact it’s more like marinara but with cilantro instead of oregano. It doesn’t taste bad per se, but it definitely tastes… different. There’s also some sort of lime flavor added that gives the whole thing a certain …wang to it. I can’t describe it, and neither could anyone else I gave a sample to.
- NO GUAC! NOT EVEN AN OPTION TO ADD IT!
But let’s face it, the cost/quality/quantity ratio here is out of sight. I believe the score is pretty clear here.
5 out of 5 golden nachos
(view the NachQuest map so far here)
